Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
