yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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