i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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