we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
