do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
