So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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