So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can Purell be used as lube?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
