what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
