I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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