Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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