it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
