At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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