Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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