I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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