i don't like sucking hair
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
