Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
