Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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