I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
