Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
