i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
