So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
