Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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