He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
