there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
