Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
