You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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