Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
