Where did you get a picture of my penis
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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