I will die if light touches me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
