He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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