mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
