If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
