Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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