the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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