so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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