So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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