i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
