he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
