my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there was a trapeze. enough said
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
