the condom got lost in my hair
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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