38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
