Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
