Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
