I love black thongs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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