Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
