She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
