I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
