fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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