and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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