Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
