my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Two words: blizzard sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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