i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
