Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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