maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need moral support for this bender
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
