I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
